Paper Pieces
by MethodicWays
Summary: This is a Max and Tess songfic. Wrote this awhile ago so it starts from after A Roswell Christmas Carol. What happens when Tess can't take it anymore? How do her decisions affect everyone else? And what does she find when she sets out to discover herself?
1. Default Chapter

**_Author's Note: This story is a song fic I wrote while the second season of Roswell was on the air. All the songs are by Michelle Branch. This fic startsright after A Roswell Christmas Carol and takes off from there. This is all about Max and Tess. Total UC, so you've been warned. Looks at what happens when Tess leaves Roswell. How does her leaving affects those back home and what does she find when she's by herself. _**

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* * *

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**Chapter 1: Everywhere **

_Turn it inside out so I can see  
The part of you that's drifting over me  
And when I wake you're never there  
But when I sleep you're everywhere  
You're everywhere_

So some would say I'm obsessed with Max Evans … and they would be right. I really can't help it. He's beautiful and, he's who I was meant to be with. It's not just mental. It's like a chemical reaction. He's in my blood and I'm in his … he just doesn't realize it yet.

_Just tell me how I got this far  
Just tell me why you're here and who you are  
'Cause every time I look  
You're never there  
And every time I sleep  
You're always there_

Do you realize how hard it is to live in Roswell? The only good thing is the Valentis. Kyle and Jim are my family and they support me. As much as I want to go back to Antar the hardest thing would be leaving the two of them behind. But sometimes I don't think I can take it here anymore. Max and I have started a kind of awkward friendship but he's so cautious around me it makes me want to scream. Like just the other day I was in the coffee shop

flash "Hey Tess". Tess turned around suddenly in her seat to see Max standing behind her.

"Oh hey Max", Tess said blushing slightly, "Wanna sit down?"

"You sure? You seemed pretty intent on what you were doing"

"I'm just writing some stuff down it's no big deal"

"Stuff?"

"Just some thoughts", Tess shrugged as Max sat down on the couch next to her. The two of them started talking and soon they were both laughing and having a good time until Max suddenly stiffened. Tess looked over her shoulder and saw Liz staring at them through the window of the store. Suddenly, she turned and walked away quickly.

"Liz!" Max called before grabbing his things and running after her.

_'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I close my eyes it's you I see  
You're everything I know  
That makes me believe  
I'm not alone  
I'm not alone_

It feels like a knife in my heart every single time he runs after her and away from me. Does he even realize how much it hurts? I wish it didn't but when I'm with him it's the only time I feel like I'm home and the minute he runs away I know what it feels like to be an orphan again.

_I recognize the way you make me feel  
It's hard to think that  
You might not be real  
I sense it now, the water's getting deep  
I try to wash the pain away from me  
Away from me_

I've taken to long showers everyday. Although it means listening to Kyle's mouth the minute I walk out the bathroom, it's worth it.

flash "You're an alien for God sakes!" Kyle yelled through the bathroom door "Can't you just wave your hand and stop using up all the hot water?!"

"Stuff it Kyle", Tess yelled back, "I'll be out in a sec". Tess emerged from the bathroom with her hair and clothes looking immaculate. The bathroom on the other hand looked like a disaster area.

"Aliens" Kyle muttered walking into the bathroom.

"You better hurry up school starts soon"

At lunch Tess looked around for a place to sit. Usually she ate with Kyle but he had a football meeting today and she was on her own. "Hey Isabel" Tess said walking over to a tree where Isabel sat alone. "Mind if I sit with you?"

"Actually, Tess, I'm having lunch with Alex and Maria and Michael today'

"And Max and Liz?"

"Well we have some things to discuss"

"Anything important?"

"We'll let you know when we need your help. Ok?"

"Sure, Isabel. No problem".

So I ate lunch by myself. And later on I went home and took a long shower.

_'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I close my eyes it's you I see  
You're everything I know  
That makes me believe  
I'm not alone  
I'm not alone  
I'm not alone  
Whoa, oh, ooh, oh_

But it's not always bad and those are the times that give me hope. The times when we all get together at Michael's or the Evans' and we watch movies. Or when Isabel asks me to go shopping so she can find just the right outfit for her date with Alex. Or right after we fight some minor battle and for a brief second Max, Michael and Isabel realize what a good team we are.

_And when I touch your hand  
It's then I understand  
The beauty that's within  
It's now that we begin  
You always light my way  
I hope there never comes a day  
No matter where I go  
I always feel you so_

And those times when Max and I are alone. When it's just the two of us and we're studying or laughing or when we're trying to remember where we came from. When he takes my hands in his …

flash "Clear your mind, Max"

"God this is so frustrating"

"'Cause you're letting it frustrate you. Just breathe deep and free your mind". Max reached across their laps and held Tess' hands as he listened to the sound of her voice.

"Remember the ballroom?" she said "The floor was solid and slippery. It reflected the purple sky. I see you walking across the room and you're talking to someone. The two of you seem very familiar with each other"

"Larek!" Max whispered excitedly.

"Yes I think it's him"

"We were talking about me… and the kingdom and then … I looked up and saw – and saw … you", Max said opening his eyes. Tess opened her eyes and saw Max staring at her in astonishment. "It was you"

_'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I close my eyes it's you I see  
You're everything I know  
That makes me believe  
I'm not alone  
'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I catch my breath  
It's you I breathe  
You're everything I know  
That makes me believe  
I'm not alone_

Tess closed the small hardcover book she was writing in and put it down. She looked around her and was surprised to see that it was so late. The sky was beginning to darken. She sat on "her" bench and watched the sun go down until the pinks turned to purples and finally dissolved into a deep blue. Then she picked up her bag and made her way back to the Valenti's house. Not knowing why she felt this desire to suddenly see Max so she detoured towards the Evans'. Slowly she made her way down the street taking in the sights and sounds of a nighttime Roswell until she reached the Evans' house. Tess walked around the back of the house to Max's window and when she looked in at her room her vision suddenly went blurry.

_You're in everyone I see  
So tell me  
Do you see me?_

Max and Liz didn't even look up from their lovemaking. They missed the opportunity to watch Tess' heart break in two.


	2. Goodbye to You

**Author's Note: **I will try to upload a little each day since this is one of the few fics I have completely done. If you've read it before sorry, enjoy reading it again, like a good old book.

* * *

**"Goodbye To You" **

_Of all the things I believe in  
I just want to get it over with  
tears from behind my eyes  
but I do not cry  
Counting the days that past me by_

The tears stung in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She had known this moment would come but her heart had refused to listen. Now it was suffering for that mistake. Quickly Tess made her way back to the Valenti's house. When she walked in to the house, Kyle called out to her asking where she'd been and she gave him a hasty excuse before going into his room.

"How could you, Max?" Tess whispered to herself. Her vision was blurry as she stared at the picture on her desk. The four of them Max, Michael, Isabel and herself; taken during some time when they were all speaking to each other. Letting their guards down. Every one of them had a smile on their face. Max and Tess were leaning towards each other smiling like silly kids at the camera and Michael and Isabel were play fighting on the floor in front of them. Suddenly, Tess hurled the picture at the door. The frame shattered instantly, slivers of glass landing all over the floor.

"Tess, are you okay?" came Kyle's concerned voice from outside the door.

"I'll be fine, Kyle", Tess called out, then her voice went low, "I know what I have to do now".

_I've been searching deep down in my soul  
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old  
Looks like I'm starting all over again  
The last three years were just pretend and I say_

It was time to go. Tess always knew it in her mind and now her heart did to. She reached under the bed and pulled out the small suitcase she'd packed a million times. The blue suitcase was one of the few vestiges of her life with Nacedo, her life on the run. Now it was time to run again. Before she'd always kept it packed. Always prepared to run at any moments notice. Slowly over the past three years at Roswell she'd unpacked a little more day-by-day, as she'd become resolved to the fact that they would probably never leave the little town that the Pod Squad had become so attached to.

"I never should have trusted them", Tess whispered to herself as she unceremoniously threw things into her suitcase, "They never wanted me here and I've been a fool to think they did. We'll call you when we need you ok? Liz and I are just friends. How stupid can you be Tess? They were never going to accept me. Why'd it take me this long to realize it?"

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I love  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

Tess sat down briefly to write Kyle and Jim good-bye.

**Dear Jim and Kyle;**

**I know this probably seems sudden but it's been a long time coming. I can't live here in Roswell anymore. I don't feel like I belong here and I think it's time for me to find a place where I fit. I love you two and I wish your love was enough to keep me here but if I don't go now I might die inside and I can't let that happen. Kyle, please don't be mad and if you must don't blame anyone but me. I have to go. **

**Your daughter and sister,**

**Tess**

I_ still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems like I can't live a day without you  
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away  
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right_

Tess placed the letter on her bed and crept silently out of the window. She made her way down the street towards the center of town. She scanned the streets looking for a suitable car. She rounded the corner and found herself face to face with Max.

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

Acting quickly, she mindwarped him so that he didn't notice the suitcase in her hand.

"Hey, Tess", Max said casually, "What are you doing out so late?"

"Just taking a walk. How about you?"

"Ummm", Max said stalling, "I was just over at Michael's. Just hanging out"

"Well, I hope you had a good time", Tess said icily.

"Yeah I did", Max said, "See you tomorrow?"

"Yea tomorrow", Tess said quietly.

"Are you alright, Tess?" Max said tilting her head up.

"Yeah Max I'm fine", Tess said holding back her tears.

"Okay. You know I'm always here if you want to talk". Slowly Max bent down and kissed her forehead. "Good night"

"Goodbye Max", Tess whispered as Max walked away from her.

_Ohhh yeah  
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time  
I want whats yours and I want whats mine_

Tess spotted a red Volkswagen around the corner and she slipped into the drivers seat after opening the doors with her powers. She looked up and caught sight of her own reflection in the rearview mirror. Her skin was pale and her eyes were bright with unshed tears. Thoughts ran through her head, good and bad, of the past three years in Roswell and she wondered if she was making the right choice. As the reel of images came to an end, her mind settled on one. The picture of Max on top of Liz; inside her.

_I want you but I'm not giving in this time_

As the tears silently began to fall from her eyes, Tess used her powers to start the car and began to drive away from the only family she'd ever truly known and the one person she'd ever loved.

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

"I wanted to hold on to you Max", Tess cried to herself, "Why couldn't you hold on to me?"

_And I feel you holding me, oh  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

Tess glanced at the Leaving Roswell sign and breathed a heavy sigh. Slowly she pulled the car over onto the desert sand and got out. She walked around to the front of the car and sat down on the hood. Her face upturned to the night sky, she let the tears fall until the stars blurred and all she could see was Max's brown eyes.

_And when the stars fall I will lie awake  
You're my shooting star  
_


	3. If Only She Knew

**Author's Note: **To sum up. Tess has left the building. Lots and lots o' angst. The End.

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**"If Only She Knew" **

Max heard the insistent knock on the door and dragged himself out of bed to answer it. "This better be good", he mumbled as he opened the door.

"Well I'm sure you'll be happy to know that Tess has runaway", Kyle said pushing past Max and walking into the Evans' living room.

"What did you say?" Max said rubbing his still sleepy eyes.

"Tess, you know your wife from another lifetime, she's gone. And I have no doubt that it has something to do with you Evans'

"Wait what do you mean she's gone?"

"Boy, I thought you aliens caught on quick. She's gone Evans, run-a-way. Now what do you have to say for yourself?" Max stared blankly at Kyle, shocked and speechless. He couldn't comprehend the words coming out of the human boys' mouth.

"Did she leave anything? Maybe you're wrong"

"Yeah she did leave something Max, an empty room and a note telling me and my dad how much she was going to miss us"

"Maybe she's been taken. It could be Nicholas or Lonnie and Rath. Tess wouldn't leave".

"Apparently she would. What were her exact words? 'If I don't go now I might die inside and I can't let that happen'. She probably got tired of taking all the crap you and Isabel and everyone else dishes out".

"She wouldn't leave me", Max whispered to himself, "Did she leave a note for me? For us?"

"For you and your alien Mafioso? No. Just me and my dad"

"I just saw her tonight. She didn't say anything"

"You saw her? When?"

"Around ten or eleven"

"You must be a bigger idiot than I thought. You were probably the last person to see her and you couldn't even tell that she was running away", Kyle said angrily, "What good are you Max?"

_I don't know whose side I'm takin'  
But I'm not takin' things too well  
I can see inside you're achin'  
But is it still too early for me to tell?_

They're all debating whether or not we should go after her, whether it's true or if she's been kidnapped. They've suggested dream walking her and forcing her to come back. Some of them think she did it just to get attention. All I can do is stare into space and hear those words in my head. 'If I don't go now I might die inside and I can't let that happen' And I know she's talking about me. I don't know why she chose this night of all nights to leave but I know I drove her to it.

Liz keeps glancing over at me to see how I'm reacting. I know she wants me to jump up and down for joy because that's what she wants to do. She wants to shout from the hilltops. She thinks she's won. If only she knew.

_I try to help you out through the hardest of times  
Your heart is in your throat and I'm speaking my mind  
Though it looks as if it's over  
I'm still not over you_

Tess sat in a dingy hotel room right off the highway. She was all cried out but the thoughts were still going through her head. Max and Liz. Liz and Max. 'I should have stayed and told them how I felt. I wonder how they're taking it. Liz is probably jumping up and down for joy. Maria too. I was holding everyone back. Now they can safely form their human/alien relationships without having to look Destiny in the face everyday. They're free.'

_'Cause I still love you like I did before  
I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do  
If only she knew  
Whoa, if only she knew, oh_

'She never knew' Max thought to himself 'She never knew that I dreamed about her every night. She never knew that I remembered it all. That I remembered her. Holding her in the night. Letting my fingers run through her hair. She never knew I remembered watching her die in my arms. I'd never felt so much pain in that life or this one.'

"Max? … Max?!", Isabel called shocking him out of his reverie

"What?"

"I asked you what are we going to do?" Isabel said, "Are we going after her? Do you want me to dream walk her?"

Max stared dejectedly into the distance. "She wanted to leave. The least we owe her is the right to do that".

_I try to let it go  
but I don't know if I can take it  
'Cause the way you looked at me  
Made me see that I can't really fake it_

Tess hurled the lamp across the room. "Why couldn't you love me?" she screamed. She pounded the walls with her fists. "You looked me in the eye everyday and lied. How could you lie to me? How could I love you? Why, Max? Why wasn't I good enough? Because I'm not precious Liz Parker?" As she shouted Tess, tore through the room destroying everything she could get her hands on. "What is so special about her? What does she have? You and Isabel and Michael kiss the fucking ground she walks on. Why? Why does she deserve to be loved?"

Tess leaned against the wall and sank to the ground. "Why don't I deserve love?"

_I try to help you out through  
the hardest of times  
Your heart is in your throat and I'm speaking my mind  
Though it looks as if it's over  
I'm still not over you_

Hours later Max lay down on his bed and listened to Counting Crows. He let the music wash over him as he tried to make sense of this latest development in his life. He still couldn't believe Tess was gone. He remembered seeing her the night before. He racked his memories trying to spot something, anything that he might have missed. The guilt was weighing him down. Why didn't he notice something? 'Probably because you were caught up in your after sex glow' he thought to himself. Funny that even his evening with Liz hadn't stopped him from dreaming about Tess the whole night. One moment talking to Tess could evoke more erotic thoughts than a whole night rolling around with Liz. 'Why didn't you ever tell her that, Max?' Max didn't even know when his feelings for Tess had changed but he knew that he'd been fighting them ever since. Liz was the girl he was meant to be with. They were soul mates. 'So why do you want to go and find Tess and drag her back to Roswell?' As much as Max tired to tell himself that Tess was just a necessity he couldn't help desiring her.

Max heard Tess' silvery voice in his head. 'If I don't go now I might die inside and I can't let that happen'. "I was killing her", he said in disbelief.

_'Cause I still love you like I did before  
I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do  
If only she knew  
Whoa _

I know she loves you and I can't interfere  
So I'll just have to sit back and watch my world disappear  
Whoa

Tess felt the walls of the hotel room shrinking around her. She felt as if she was going to disappear in her own despair. Despondently she fell asleep. When she slept she didn't have to feel.

_I try to help you out through  
the hardest of times  
Your heart is in your throat and I'm speaking my mind_

"Tess?" Tess heard the voice in her head and turned around to see Isabel standing there in front of her.

"Isabel? Isabel, what are you doing here?"

"Max told me not to dream walk you but I had to make sure you didn't leave against your will"

"No I left because I wanted to"

"Tess, please, come back"

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why should I come back Isabel? What's in Roswell for me?"

"Us. Tess, we're your family"

"No Isabel. Kyle and Jim are my family. You, Max and Michael are the hybrids I hatched with. We're not a family. A family doesn't treat its members the way you treated me"

"Tess, listen. Come back and we'll talk about this face to face"

"Get out of my head Isabel"

"Tess –"

"GET OUT!" Tess screamed. She woke up breathless on the floor of her hotel room. She didn't sleep for the rest of the night.

_Though it looks as if it's over  
I'm still not over you  
Oh, I'm still not over you _

'Cause I still love you like I did before  
I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do  
Whoa

"She wasn't kidnapped", Isabel said walking in to Max's room.

"What?" Max said sitting up in his room

"I dream walked Tess. To make sure Lonnie and Rath didn't do anything to her. She's pretty pissed at us"

"Why did you do that, Is? I told you to leave her alone"

"Excuse me for caring. I wanted to know if she was alright"

"Why do you care now? You never have before"

"Like you did? I'm surprised you aren't at Liz's having a impromptu celebration right now"

"Maybe I don't feel like celebrating"

"Well I hope you aren't waiting for her to return because from what I could tell it doesn't look like Tess is coming back to Roswell"

_  
'Cause I will never ever walk away  
I'll find a way  
She could never love you like I do  
If only she knew_

Tess got into the now blue Volkswagen and turned the ignition. After eating a small breakfast she'd changed the license plates and the color of the car. With a few minor adjustments to her hair color and length, she'd gotten back into the car ready to continue her journey. Her head was still foggy since she hadn't slept the night before but she also felt surprisingly focused. Her anger and sadness had ebbed away like an outgoing tide and she was left with a feeling of resignation. It was time to think clearly and she was ready. She drove down the highway towards her future.

_If only she knew_


	4. All You Wanted

**Author's Note: **This chapter is affectionately titled "Tess finally gets happy!" It's that bittersweet kinda happy. Oh and about the whole writing-in-the-journal, pouring-her-heart-onto-paper thing I always figured Tess had to be pretty introspective to deal with everything that happened around her. The writer's always acted like only Liz was intelligent enough to write in a journal.

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**"All You Wanted" **

Tess entered the small diner and knew this is where she would stay. The red vinyl booths and round 50's-style counter reeked of tackiness and that's just what she needed. 'I want to be boring' she thought to herself. She sat down at the counter and ordered a hamburger and fries.

"You sure you can eat all that, little lady?" asked the overweight man behind the counter. Tess bit back her retort when she saw his twinkling blue eyes and his bright smile.

"Yeah, I can eat it", Tess said smiling back.

"Well you don't look like you can eat much but I guess I'll trust you… this time". Tess let out a laugh that surprised her and the man. It was high and proud and she couldn't even remember the last time she'd truly laughed like that. Looking around she knew it wouldn't be last time.

* * *

Tess had been living in the small town for a couple of weeks now and she loved it. After settling in she got a job at the diner she first stopped at. John, the overweight man, who'd served her that first burger had taken her under his wing, showing her the town and to pay him back she occasionally picked up shifts at the diner when he needed help. Tess found a job working at the town library, a small converted house, which no one ever really visited but Tess loved walking through the stacks and smelling the old, musty books. Unfortunately for Tess, working in a small town library left plenty of time for self-reflection and unbidden her mind fell to thoughts of Max and her time in Roswell. Slowly she began to analyze her actions and reactions to the events in Roswell. Tess felt so many emotions welling up inside of her and for lack of a better medium she picked up a pen and poured her heart onto paper.

_I wanted to be like you  
I wanted everything  
So I tried to be like you  
And I got swept away  
_

… **When I think of how hard I tried to fit in. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like it was the only way to handle the situation but in the end I still ended up running away so what did I do wrong? I know you probably think it's your fault for not being able to make a home for me but it wasn't you. Believe me no one could ask for a better family …**

_I didn't know that it was so cold  
And you needed someone  
to show you the way  
So I took your hand and we figured out  
That when the tide comes  
I'd take you away_

Months had passed and Tess now had a box full of letters she never intended to mail. Her life had settled into a comfortable routine. Everyday she woke up and had a small breakfast. Then she headed to the library where she organized and help the precious few people that wandered into the building. At one she headed to the diner for lunch and ordered a burger and fries. Everyday John asked if she thought should could eat it all and everyday she finished It to the last bite. Then she'd work until the evening when she'd go home to her small apartment. And at night she'd write a letter to Michael or Max or Isabel. And for the first time Tess' life was gloriously boring.

_If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted  
was somebody who cares_

… **I'm sorry, I tried to save you and you didn't need saving. Loving someone isn't about controlling their life. I wanted so badly to make things like they were before. I pretended to be your friend when I was really just waiting for you to tell me you wanted me me. All you wanted was someone who cared …**

_I'm sinking slowly  
So hurry hold me  
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on  
Please can you tell me  
So I can finally see  
Where you go when you're gone_

"Liz!" Tess looked up quickly to see a young man settling down across from her,

"What?", she said puzzled.

"You look like a Liz or an … Elizabeth? … Maybe?"

"No I'm the farthest thing from a Liz", Tess said quickly.

"Well are you going to tell me your name or am I going to have to keep guessing?" Tess slowly took in this guy sitting across from her. His eyes were a sparkling green, which matched the look of merriment on his boyish face. His hair was a dark gold like honey and it curled in wisps just below his ears. His skin was tan and smooth except for by his mouth where it crinkled from the grin that seemed to fit perfectly on his face. Although he was sitting down, Tess could tell his chest and arms were well developed and she suspected the rest of him would be too.

"Why do you want to know my name?" she asked

"Well, everyday for the past three months you've come in here, exchanged pleasantries with John over there and then proceeded to eat a burger and fries before heading off to the library I believe"

"Any particular reason you've been following my movements? There are laws against that you know?"

"Pretty girl moves into a small town, I just wanted to extend a welcome"

"John?" Tess called to the counter "Can I trust this guy?"

"Who? Zane?" John called from behind the counter, "He's nothing but the annoying boy-next-door type. He's harmless". Tess and Zane laughed good-naturedly at John's response.

"So now that I've been thoroughly emasculated, do you mind telling me who you are?"

"My name is Tess"

"Hmmm. Tess. I would never have guessed that. I like it"

"Well, I'm glad you approve", Tess said getting up from the table.

"Hey Tess?" Zane called out to her back. "Do you like to do anything besides read and eat burgers?"

"Yes", Tess called over her shoulder as she walked out the door.

_If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted  
was somebody who cares_

…**You would like Zane. He's really nice and we've become good friends. For the first time I don't feel like someone likes me out of some sort of obligation. Zane genuinely wants to be around me. I guess that was the problem I had before. I thought you guys had to like me and I was upset because you didn't. And I was jealous. I wanted what you and Max had. I wanted to be like you. I wanted it all. You guys didn't want it and I tried to make you like me…**

_All you wanted was somebody who cares  
If you need me you know I'll be there  
Oh, yeah_

Time passed and Tess and Zane became friends, which definitely disrupted her boring life. But in a good way. Zane bought Tess a golden retriever puppy they named Honey so she wouldn't have to live alone. He also took credit for introducing her to finer cuisine and Tess didn't have the heart to tell him that she'd traveled the world and taste finer food than Taco Bell burritos. Slowly, Tess began to heal and every night she added another letter to her collection.

_If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted  
was somebody who cares_

… **I miss you a lot. Even if you didn't think of me as a sister, I thought of you as a brother. I would watch you and Maria sometimes and I wanted to tell you all the things you were doing wrong like a real sister would. You don't know how many times I wanted to talk to you. To tell you how lonely I was but you didn't need me. I just wanted to know you too…**

_Please can you tell me  
So I can finally see  
Where you go when you're gone _

The days passed into weeks and the weeks to months and before she knew it Tess had spent an entire year away from Roswell. That night she invited Zane over for dinner. Tess cooked a small dinner and made a salad.

"I didn't think you could cook", Zane said playfully as he balled up his napkin and threw it across the table at Tess.

"Hey keep playing around and you won't get any dessert", Tess said going into the kitchen.

"Ooh, dessert", Zane called out to the kitchen, "What's the occasion?" Tess came back into the room carrying a small chocolate cake with Honey at her heels. She set down the cake and looked around her small apartment. Slowly, she sat down and pulled the puppy into her lap.

" Today's my birthday", she said. And the smile on her first was the happiest one Zane had ever seen.


	5. Leap of Faith

"**Leap of Faith"**

Zane watched Tess walk through the door of the diner and his heart practically stopped. It happened every time she walked into a room. He was amazed by her. Sometimes he thought he'd memorized every dimple, every catch of breath, every shrug of her shoulders and then she would smile or toss her silky hair and it was like the sun shone brighter just for that moment and he'd have something new to commit to memory.

_One less call to answer_

_Feeling full of despair_

_Don't think I can't get through it_

_Just one last prayer_

"Hey Zane. Earth to Zane", Tess said laughing, "Where were you? Another planet?"

"You're the alien"

"What?" Tess said quickly

"Well I figured you must be an alien, they don't make girls as pretty as you on Earth"

"Silly", Tess said with a mixture of laughter and relief, "Hey you're coming over tonight right?"

"Wouldn't miss it", Zane said getting up and kissing Tess on the forehead, "Gotta get back to work"

"See ya later". Zane walked to the door and before he left he looked back over his shoulder and caught a glimpse of Tess standing at the counter laughing. Her hair fell over her shoulders and it glowed like sunlight and moonlight. She looked over and when their eyes connected, she smiled at him. 'I have to tell her', Zane thought to himself.

_And it's a leap of faith_

_When you believe_

_There's someone out there_

_It's a leap of faith_

_When you believe that_

_Someone cares, oh_

_And when I call out to you_

_Will you be right there_

_Right there_

Tess lit the candle on the small table by couch and waited for the smell of peaches to waft towards her nose. Just then she felt Zane's hands on her waist.

"Mmm, candles? You shouldn't have", he whispered in her ear.

"I wouldn't have to if you and my dog could manage not to stink up my apartment", Tess said turning around to face Zane.

"You know you love me".

"Debatable"

"But, you know I love you, right?" Zane said looking her in the eye.

"Zane, what are you talking about?"

"Tess you have to know how I feel about you. I couldn't have dropped anymore hints" Tess pulled away from Zane, realizing he was serious.

"No, you can't do this to me", Tess looked into Zane's eyes. He looked so hopeful and she could see how much he wanted her. No one had ever looked at her like that, at least not anyone she had ever cared about, "Zane you don't know anything about me"

"I don't care. I don't care why you ended up here or what you were running from. I'm just glad I met you and whoever made you leave that place I want to thank them".

"You can't love me. No one can. I don't—I can't –"

"Can't what?"

"I just can't Zane. Please don't ask me to be with you". Zane looked at the tears in her eyes and suddenly he was angry.

"You're all I've been waiting for. The only good thing in this stupid town. And if you can't see how much I love you then fine, I'll just go". He grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.

"Don't leave like this"

"Give me a reason to stay"

"I – I'm sorry"

"Good bye Tess". Tess closed her eyes and tried to shut out the echo of the door slamming behind him.

_Searching for the answer_

_Nobody seems to care_

_Oh how I wish that_

_You were here_

_Beside me_

_To wipe away my tears_

**… I can't be with Zane, can I? Sometimes I feel like I'm ready and then I'll see something, anything, it could be a stupid alien mask and suddenly I'm back in Roswell. The other night I was watching a movie with Zane and these FBI guys were chasing down an alien. How could I tell Zane not to laugh because the same thing happened to my alien-hybrid husband from a past life? He has no idea who I am. I'm not even sure I know sometimes. I still dream about Max. I see him so clearly it doesn't even feel like a dream. He touches me and I want to melt. And every time he asks me to come back. I wake up breathless and scared. Afraid that it wasn't just a dream. Afraid he'll come for me but not because he wants me. He'll come because they need me to fight and when it's over I'll be in the same place I was before. Watching him and Liz skip off to have sex after I saved his life. I can't go back. But I can't seem to go forward either…**

_And it's a leap of faith_

_When you believe_

_There's someone out there_

_It's a leap of faith_

_When you believe_

_That someone cares, oh_

_And when I call out to you_

_Will you be right there_

_Right there_

Tess walked into the diner and scanned the room. Disappointed she walked to the counter when she realized Zane wasn't there.

"Hey there Tessie", John said walking over to her, "What'll you have today?"

"I'm not really hungry, John"

"Something happen with you and Zane?"

"Not really. Why do you ask?"

"Well you tend to have a healthy appetite and Zane tends to eat lunch around one but he showed up here around twelve and bolted the minute I prepared his order. Are you two having a fight or something cause usually that boy's in here all day until you walk through that door".

"I don't know, John…. He told me he love's me"

"Well that was obvious. And don't act like you didn't know. It was written across his face. So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. There's just so much other stuff"

"Tess", John said quietly, "You know, no one's ever asked why you showed up here by yourself and put down roots. We took you in because we all love you. We took a chance. Maybe it's time you stop living in the past and take a chance on us".

_Waiting for the answer_

_Remembering times_

_We would share_

_Somehow I feel _

_You here beside me_

_Even though you're not there_

Tess tossed and turned in her bed. John's words were echoing in her head. 'What am I afraid of?' Tess thought to herself. 'It's not like he's asked me to tell him about where I came from. Zane doesn't care about all that. Why can't we be together?' Frustrated, she got up from her bed and went to the kitchen. Honey looked up sleepily from the couch as Tess passed by, then she fell back into an easy sleep.

"Great guard dog you are", Tess mumbled to the dog. Tess grabbed a pot and poured some milk into it. Then she set it on the stove to warm up. After she finished warming her milk, Tess sat down on the couch and warmed her feet against Honey's belly. The dog snorted and growled deep in her stomach. Tess looked at Honey and thought about the first night Zane brought the puppy to her. He'd made her close her eyes and the next thing Tess knew this warm, cuddly thing was thrown into her lap and began licking. It was like the puppy had been waiting for her. Another lost soul for her to connect with.

Tess stroked the dog's fur. It was the same color as Zane's hair. Dark and golden, like sky at the end of a storm. Tess knew Zane was the end of her storm. She knew the only thing that could come from him was a happy ending. She just didn't know if she was capable of happily ever after.

_And it's a leap of faith_

_When you believe there's_

_Someone out there_

_It's a leap of faith_

_When you believe that_

_Someone cares, oh_

_And when I call out to you_

_Will you be right there_

_Right there_

**… I know you guys don't remember Antar, but I remember some things. Some times the images are so strong I can smell them; taste them. I remember being so happy joy would fill up my body. I remember being in Zan's arms and feeling complete. It's so hard not to feel that way anymore. And I wonder if I can ever be that complete again…**

_And I'll be waiting_

_By the window for_

_Your smile to come through_

Zane lay in his bed, the sheets twisted around his torso and legs. The past few days had been so hard. He wanted so badly to talk to Tess but he refused to see her. He knew he was being childish but he felt like he couldn't go on being 'just friends' anymore. Still, the past few days avoiding her had been the hardest of his life. He closed his eyes and it was like her face was tattooed on his eyelids. He couldn't escape her.

_And I'll be waiting_

_In the darkness when_

_I call out to you_

_And I'll remember_

_When you told me_

_I could trust in you_

Zane was listening to the rainfall on the roof of his house when he heard the faint sound of knocking on his door. Slowly, he made his way down the steps in his boxers. He opened the door lethargically.

"What do you want?" he said gruffly before looking to see who was at the door. When he looked up his mouth opened in amazement. Tess stood in front of him, wet from the rain. Tears glistened in her blue eyes, darkening them.

_And it's a leap of faith_

_When I believe that_

_You are out there_

"Tell me I can trust you", Tess said, her voice shaking.

_It's a leap of faith when_

_I believe you truly care, oh_

"Tell me you can truly love me"

_And when I call out to you_

_I know you'll be right there_

_Right there_

"Tell me you won't leave". Zane stared at her a moment before answering.

"I can't promise I won't leave, I can't promise things will be perfect. But I can promise that I'll always love you, you can always trust me, and I if I do leave it won't be willingly". Tears rolled down Tess' eyes as she fell in Zane's arms. She tilted her face up to look into his eyes and when he kissed her, Tess knew she was one step closer to being complete again.

_And it's a leap of faith_


	6. You Set Me Free

* * *

* * *

"Tess get out here, we're running out of buns!" Tess smiled to herself while she gathered the buns and other condiments for the barbecue. She couldn't believe how much her life had changed. Ever since she and Zane decided to be together things had started to fall into place. She'd moved into his house after a couple of months and they'd been living together for almost a year now. Tess had celebrated her second "birthday" with Zane and that night they'd made love for the first time. Neither one of them could remember a time when life had been better. At least in this lifetime.

"I swear if I didn't love you –", Tess said walking over to the grill.

"Then what?"

"I'd probably beat you up. Stop ordering me around"

"Just getting you back. 'Zane get me a Coke'", he said in a mocking voice, "'Zane feed Honey, Zane take out the trash'"

"I am not that bad" Tess said laughing.

"That's what you think". Zane scooped a hamburger off the grill and placed it on Tess' plate.

"Thanks", Tess said giving him a quick kiss.

"You kids need to stop", John said from the other side of the backyard, "You do have guests you know".

"John, leave them alone", said Peggy, John's new girlfriend, "They're just kids".

"Hey!" said Tess

"Oh, I'm sorry. Young adults"

"Thank you"

* * *

After they cleaned up the grill, Zane and Tess sat down on the living room couch, which Tess had insisted on picking out after she realized what a bachelor's pad she was moving into.

"I'm so tired" Tess sighed.

"Playing hostess wear you out?"

"Hey it's not easy being as wonderful and charming as I am"

"Right", Zane said with a snort, "So how tired are you?"

"Why?" Zane pulled Tess over to him so she was sitting in his lap. Slowly, he started rubbing her shoulders.

"I was wondering if you had enough energy to play a little"

"With you it's never a little, Zane". Tess was trying hard to put up a fight but she knew this was a battle she was going to lose. Zane's hands felt so good especially since she was so tense. Zane started to press little kisses all over her neck and shoulders. "That feels so good." Zane picked Tess up off her feet and started up the stairs.

"I hope you weren't expecting to sleep tonight", Zane said with a grin.

Tess kissed Zane passionately. "I'm not the one who has work tomorrow" she said smiling.

* * *

_'Cause I wanted to fly,  
so you gave me your wings_

* * *

"Ooh, don't let me go" Tess whispered. Her voice was full of emotion. Her arms circled his torso tightly as she held on for dear life.

"I'll never let you go". His voice seemed to come from all around her. His hands were all over her body .She had never felt so good. All her senses were all assaulted by the scent of him, his touch and his taste. She felt herself rising higher and higher until she loomed over the precipice of ecstasy.

"Oh God! … Oh --- MAX!"

Tess woke up breathless. 'No' she whispered to herself.

"You okay?" Zane mumbled from beside her. He was still half asleep.

"I'm just thirsty, sweetie. Go back to bed". Zane mumbled incoherently as he rolled over and fell back to sleep. Tess slipped out of the bed and walked down to the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water and pressed the cool liquid to her forehead. Her entire body was hot and thoughts of Max ran rampant through her head. 'Why now?' she thought 'They haven't happened in a while. Why can't I just be happy?'

* * *

"Everything ok, honey?"

"What?" Tess said absentmindedly. She looked up from the sheets of music she was holding to find Zane staring right at her.

"You've been strumming the same four notes over and over. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. It's just this song I'm working on"

"Well your guitar playing is never going to improve if you keep playing the same thing."

"Ha ha, very funny"

"Hey I'm just playing around. You sure you're alright?"

"Zane I'm fine. God. Leave me alone", Tess snapped.

"Fine" Zane stood up and stormed out of the room. 'Shit' Tess thought. She ran up the steps towards the attic. Zane always went up there when he was upset.

"Zane?" she called out.

"Leave me alone Tess".

"I'm sorry", she said walking over to him. She sat down on his lap and wrapped her arms around him. "I must be pre-menstrual or something. I didn't mean it"

"Lately, you don't seem to mean a lot of things" Zane sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with you but I'm tired of being caught in the crossfire". Zane pushed Tess off his lap and walked towards the stairs. "I'm not asking you to tell me what's wrong, I just want you to be okay. When you need me you know where to find me"

* * *

Tess was lying on the beach with Zane. The sun caressed them as they lay in the sand languidly. She felt a hand reach over her and then there was the sound of a lid popping.

"Turn over I'll get your back", he whispered in her ear. Tess turned over. Slowly, he untied the straps of her bikini and let them fall to the side. His strong hands kneaded the suntan lotion into her muscles. Tess purred contentedly while his hands moved lower and lower, working the lotion into her skin. He placed kisses along her neck and shoulders. Tess felt her body heating up more and more and she didn't want him to stop. She turned over slightly to look into his eyes but his face was obscured by the sun. Tess put out her hand to block the sun and as her vision cleared she came face to face with Max.

"Damn" Tess said as her eyes flew open. She looked around trying to remember where she was. The glow from the television dimly lit the room around her. Tess got up, turned off the television and made her way up the stairs. She opened the bedroom door and was greeted by the silence of the empty room. The bed was still made. Zane hadn't come home.

* * *

Zane opened the door of the darkened house, slowly. He crept up the stairs quietly towards the attic. It was his favorite place. Before his mom and dad died, the three of them spent all their time in the attic. His father would be working on plans for some new attachment to the house and his mom would be painting in the corner. He would flit between the two of them begging to help until finally his mom or his dad would sit him down with paints and markers and pens and paper and he would sit and dream up all the things he wanted to build some day.

Zane walked over to the drafting table and turned the light on. He was surprised to find a note on the table. Tess' neat and precise handwriting stared at him. A feeling of dread planted itself in his stomach and Zane ran downstairs to the bedroom without reading the note. His head in his hands, he sank to the floor and stared at the messy room. Tess had packed in a hurry, taking only the things she needed. Her clothes were thrown all over the room. He picked up one of her dresses and held it in his hands. And he cried.

* * *

**Zane,**

**There are a lot of things about me you don't know. Where I come from, how I came to you and where we're going. The problem is I don't know those things about me either. I have to come to terms with what I left behind. That's the only way I can ever truly be with you. This hurts me more than you'll ever know but I promise I'll be back. I won't leave you hanging on. I love you too much to do that to you. Thank you for teaching me to love. Thank you for setting my heart free. **

* * *

_'Cause I wanted to fly,  
so you gave me your wings  
And time held its breath so I could see, yeah  
And you set me free_


	7. Something to Sleep To

**_Something to Sleep To_**

* * *

_I_ lay awake all night, holding her dress in my arms. Smelling the faint perfume of her skin that seemed to cling hopefully to the fabric. It's funny how quickly she became apart of my life. For so many years I lived alone. This house was the ultimate bachelor's pad. It was where the guys came to get away from their girls. I'd watch them all come over here and have the time of their lives, telling stories about all the horrible things their girlfriends made them do. I'd watch my friends leave to go home to their girls and I'd wish I had someone to go home to. Then Tess came and my whole life changed.

* * *

She became every part of my life. I knew what kind of cereal she liked and she knew how I took my coffee. We brushed our teeth together every morning. She shaved with my razor (and it drove me crazy). It was always ZaneandTess. No distinction, no division. We were inseparable … until now.

* * *

I tried to ignore it but it was always there in the back of my mind. Her past. I knew it was in the back of hers too. Where did she come from? Why did she leave there? She was this angel that just fell from the sky one day. God, why did she leave? I don't understand. I never asked. I never wanted to know. I just wanted her. I just wanted to hold her in my arms while we watched movies at night and stroke her hair while she slept. I just wanted her near me. I didn't need the explanations.

* * *

Maybe she'll be back. She said she wouldn't leave me hanging. I know she wouldn't. We meant too much to each other. I helped her to love. I helped her to live. She has to come back… Right? … It hurts so much. To look around and see everything she touched. This house is a giant shrine to her and I can't make myself leave because I don't know where to go. I couldn't stop her. I can't make her come back.

* * *

I always thought they were the ones who made the mistake. Letting her go, not going after her. But now I'm standing in the same position and I realize how helpless they must have felt. She's strong … and willful … and determined. They couldn't have stopped her any more than I could. None of us knows how to make her stay … and all she knows is how to run. I wonder where she learned it. It's obviously a skill. Leave a cleverly written, sympathetic note, pack quickly and leave no indication where you're going. I'm surprised she didn't already have a bag packed. It would've been simpler.

* * *

She was my dream. After my parents died life seemed to stand still for a while. It was like I was alive but I wasn't living. And then I saw her. She was crossing the street on the way to the diner and the next thing I knew I was following her in. She went to the counter and started talking to John. Then, he said something and she tucked her hair behind her ear and threw back her head and laughed. That was when I knew. I knew that I wanted to make her laugh like that forever. 

Now all, I want to do is hit things and throw things and scream.

_Don't leave me now_

And I want to tear out my heart and make the pain stop.  
_Don't leave me now_

And I want to drive after her and make her turn around.

And I want to hold her in my arms and squeeze her tight.  
_Don't leave me now_

And I want to make sure she knows how much I love her.  
_Don't leave me now_

And I want her to come back.  
_Don't leave me now_

And I want to know, why?

* * *

But most of all I want is to lie beside her in this bed … and pull her close…and breath in the scent of her hair …and run my fingers across her cheek …and fall asleep. 


	8. Here With Me

_**"Here With Me"

* * *

**_

* * *

_It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror  
I guess that I was blind  
Now my reflection's getting clearer  
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again_

Max gazed at himself in the bathroom mirror and squinted under the harsh fluorescent light. His eyes looked sunken and his face was angular and gaunt. His body though still muscular looked as if it could do with a few more pounds but that's the price you pay when you barely eat.

"If all you're going to do is stare at yourself in the mirror can you do that in the bedroom, Maxwell? I have to get ready for work", Michael said poking his head into the bathroom.

"Just give me a few minutes", Max said wearily. After Michael closed the door, Max waved his hand over his face and body. He ran the shower so Michael would think he was taking a bath and he stared at his reflection in the mirror until it fogged over.

"He's fine, Michael"

"No he's not, Liz and if you believe that you're more deluded than I thought"

"Funny", Liz said grabbing the burger he had just scooped onto her tray. When she got close to the grill again Michael was waiting.

"He hasn't been the same since Tess left", Michael hissed. Liz stopped dead in her tracks.

"Michael, leave it alone", Alex said interjecting from the counter.

"It has nothing to do with her" Liz said "With everything that's happened since she decided to be selfish and leave the group I'm surprised Max has anytime to think about her".

"Hey whatever makes you feel better, believe it, but you don't live with him and you're not his girlfriend anymore. You don't know everything about him".

"You people kill me", Liz said angrily slapping down her pad, "I tried to help Max. I offered him all the support I could. I asked him to marry me and bring just one ounce of happiness to our lives and for what? I don't care if Max is not himself or sad or whatever, we've all had to deal with our loss and we've all moved on. And I don't care if we needed her or not, I'm glad Tess left town. At least she had the balls to get out of here".

"You should lay off her Michael", Alex said, as Liz walked away, "It's been hard for her ever since Max left her".

"Well someone needs to say it, Whitman. Liz and Max can't live in denial forever"

_There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day  
You're such a part of me  
But I just pulled away  
Well, I'm not the same girl  
you used to know  
I wish I said the words I never showed_

I feel like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride. 'When the going gets tough, I get runnin''. Zane must be going crazy right now. Leaving him was so much harder than leaving Roswell. When I left Max and the others behind I had so much anger. Now I'm just sad. Do you know how it feels to hold someone's heart in your hands? I guess now I know how it feels to be Max Evans. To know that what you decide can change someone's life forever. But I'll go back. I'll show him how much I love him. Right after I tell Max all those things I was never able to say.

Tess got off the bus and headed straight to the bathroom. Her hair was matted to her forehead with sweat. She was so nervous. Her next bus was leaving from Albuquerque in few minutes. Soon she'd be back in Roswell.

_I know you had to go away  
I died just a little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need  
I believe that I would cry just a little  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me  
Here with me_

Max drove along the desert on his way back from classes at local junior college. The sun was low in the sky and the sky was moving through a series of tumultuous colors. He pulled the car over to the side of the road and watched the sunset. As he watched the sun leave the world once again, Max let the tears roll down his cheeks.

"Max?" Max looked back over and saw Isabel standing behind him. "Max it's late what are you doing out here?"

"I felt like walking. I couldn't sleep".

"Michael says you haven't been sleeping at all. That you don't come home until the morning and then you leave the next day without resting"

"Do you and Michael mind not having conferences about me behind my back?"

"We're just concerned, Max"

"I'm fine"

"You haven't been the same since Te—"

"Don't say her name, Is"

"Someone has to say it. You haven't been yourself and between Tess leaving and everything else that's happened, we need you to be strong Max" Max looked down at the ground and Isabel took a step towards him. "We don't know what's going to hit us next. These past three years have been one thing after another and each time you handled the situation but I'm afraid the last battle might have been too much for all of us, especially you. But we haven't won the war yet, Max. We still need our king".

Max looked up at Isabel with tears in his eyes. "I need my queen, Isabel".

"I know", Isabel said taking him into her arms. "We were all wrong but we have to move on. Too many things have happened. We've lost others and it's hard. But you can't save everyone and we're not as strong as we can be. She wanted to be left alone. That's all we can give her".

"Do you remember home, Is?"

"No not really"

"I do. Ever since we started fighting memories have been coming back. What it was like to be king, growing up in the palace with you and Michael … and falling in love with her. I just keep thinking about what she must have felt like remembering all these things while I was trying so hard to leave them buried. It's killing me just like it was killing her"

_You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart  
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true  
But I was scared and left it all behind_

Tess tried to let the roar of the bus' engine drown out her thoughts but they came unbidden. She was going back to Roswell and it was freaking her out. What would they say? How would they act? It's not like they welcomed her before, would it be any different now? Maybe she should have stayed with Zane. Her heart was pounding harder in her chest with each mile she covered. She remembered what it was like before she left. Max and Liz are probably married by now, Tess mused, I'll just tell him about the dreams and he'll laugh in my face and tell me to go back to Zane. At least I'll get to see Kyle again. And Jim. I wonder what Michael and Isabel are up to? They were always so close. I bet Michael is still with Maria. He'd never even consider Isabel or at least he tries to act like he wouldn't. I've seen him look at her when he thinks no one is looking. And the way he acts when she goes on a date. That whole 'we can't bring another human into the group' thing is wearing a little thin. But if he's anything like Max (and he won't admit that he is) he'll still be with Maria. It's easier that way. I wonder if Kyle's with anyone. He's this amazing guy and anyone worth knowing can't see it and those who can, are stupid cheerleaders. That's why I identified with him. All we wanted was for people to care for us. To be worthy of something real. Why is that so hard to find?

_I know you had to go away  
I died just a little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need  
I believe that I would cry just a little  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me  
Here with me_

Max lay down on the bed and listened to Counting Crows. He tried to close his eyes but his mind continued to run away. Its pace was never-ending and unrelenting. He couldn't sleep. And when he did, he woke drenched in sweat, longing for things he could never have. The last time he remembered sleeping for more than a couple of hours was right after the last battle. Exhausted and anguished he had fallen on his bed and slept a dreamless sleep. He wished that was possible now.

"You look like death", Maria said placing Max's order in front of him.

"Thanks, Maria", Max said tiredly, "I can always count on you to be truthful … no matter how ruthless you have to be to do it"

Maria slid into the booth across from him. "Well what do you want me to say, Max? You look horrible. Have you been sleeping?"

"Not so much"

"Michael's worried about you"

"Ok. If I hear one more person tell me how worried Michael is I'm going to scream. I thought I only had one mom"

"Well you're wrong. We'll all be your mom if that's what it takes to make you feel better", Maria lowered her voice, "Besides you are still the king and we never know when some Czechoslovakians or some other Eastern Europeans may show up again"

"Hopefully they'll let the body get cold before they act next time"

"Don't refer to him as 'the body'", Maria said seriously.

"I'm sorry", Max stood up and dropped some dollar bills on the table, "I gotta go, Maria"

"But you didn't eat"

"I'm not really hungry. If Michael asks tell him I ate something, ok?"

"Fine, I'll lie for you".

"Think of it as altering the truth", Max said.

_And I'm asking  
And I'm wanting you to come back to me  
Please?_

If I had asked you to stay, would you? If I asked you to come back, would you even listen? A long time ago I vowed to myself that I wouldn't look. 'If I don't go now I might die inside'. I let that phrase run through my mind so many times that I thought I'd go crazy. I made you feel like you had no choice but to leave and I won't force you to come back. Even if it means I have to die of loneliness, I won't make that decision for you. I just hope that I get a chance to tell you how much I love you.

_I never will forget that look upon  
your face  
How you turned away and left  
without a trace  
But I understand that you did what you had to do  
And I thank you_

I cannot do this, Tess thought to herself. The bus was about a half hour from town and the phrase 'cold feet' didn't even begin to explain the terror she felt. I abandoned them all. I left without a trace for three years. I never even sent a note to let them know I was alive. What was I thinking? I'm not just some teenage girl who can do whatever she wants. I'm a reincarnated, alien queen for god sake. Jim and Kyle must have been devastated. I mean I'm sure Maria and Liz were jumping up and down but they don't matter. They're not going to understand. The minute I walk through the door they're going to hit me with three years of angsty teen drama that they've probably been thinking up since the day I left. I should just go back to Zane, although I'm sure he has a few choice words for me also. No one can understand why I do the things I do. I barely understand why I do the things I do. I can always just turn around right? I've done it before.

_I know you had to go away  
I died just a little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need  
I believe that I would cry just a little  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me  
Here with me_

"I'm going to be better you guys", Max said. He had gathered everyone at the pod chamber for a meeting. Liz, Michael, Isabel, Maria and Alex all looked at him expectantly. "I know I haven't been myself but I'm going to change. It's ---"

"Time I faced the past", Tess said stepping off the bus in Roswell. She grabbed her bag, slung it over her shoulder and walked towards the center of town.


	9. Second Chances

* * *

_Sometimes we get second chances  
And sometimes we never make it past the first_

Tess took a deep breath and walked through the door of the Crashdown. By the immediate sound of plates and glasses dropping, she knew that she'd been spotted. She looked up to see Maria staring at her and making small gasping noises in her throat.

"Michael", Maria managed to gasp out.

"Maria, clean up that mess and get back over here", Michael called out, without looking up from the grill. Michael's harsh tone brought Maria back to life.

"You might want to get out here, Spaceboy" she called back. Exacerbated, Michael looked up from the grill towards Maria. He almost passed out over the fire from shock. There she was, standing in the Crashdown as if she had never left. She looked the same yet different. Her hair was inches longer and fell down her back in soft waves. She looked relaxed and nervous at the same time. She wore loose fitting jeans, a tank top and a flannel shirt … a man's flannel shirt, Michael mentally noted. But the way she stood there with an air of regality and innocence was exactly the same. It was Tess. He knew it.

"Hey Michael. Long time, no see" Tess said hesitantly as he walked over. She was surprised when Michael pulled her into his arms.

"Yeah well I would have sent a letter but unfortunately you didn't leave a forwarding address" Michael said burying his face in Tess' hair. "We missed you", he whispered.

"I missed you too", Tess whispered back.

_It really makes you wonder why some things happen when they do  
It really makes me wonder why it wasn't me instead of you_

"Liz, you've got to get out here", Maria said bursting into Liz's room.

"Maria, I just went on my break for god sakes. Can I have at least fifteen minutes?"

"Tess is back", Maria said flatly.

"That's not funny"

"I wish it were a joke because Michael's out there right now hugging her".

"What is she doing back here?"

"Hoping we welcome her with open arms. So far Michael's living up to all her expectations"

"I—I need a second", Liz said sitting down on her bed.

"Liz you need to get out there"

"I'll be out … I just need … I need to think"

"Ok. I'll go find out what's going on. I hope she doesn't think she's going to get away with abandoning everyone". Maria walked out of the room leaving Liz alone with her thoughts. 'She's back' Liz thought 'And he's going to go running to her with open arms. Why now? Why come back? I wish I had died that day in the Crashdown. I wish I never found out about Max Evans… I wish he loved me as much as he loves her'

_And when you say  
It doesn't matter well it does_

"Where have you been all this time?" Isabel said pacing back and forth in front of Tess and Michael. Tess was so confused. She didn't expect such a warm greeting from Michael and now Isabel, whom she thought was the most tolerant one, was giving her the third degree.

"It doesn't matter" Michael said.

"Yes it does", Isabel said raising her voice a notch.

"Is, calm down"

"She's been gone for three years Michael. Three years"

"I can count Isabel"

"We've been through so much and she gets to just saunter back in here like nothing happened. Did you tell her about ---?"

"Not yet", Michael cut Isabel off.

"Oh sure spare her feelings while we all have to live with the pain"

"I am still here you know?" Tess said.

"Yeah now you are" Isabel threw back.

"What's going on? What are you guys trying to avoid telling me? Or should I piece it together while you talk about me?"

"Why don't you go to your old home and see?"

"What happened?" Tess began to feel a sense of urgency in the pit of her stomach "I have to find Jim and Kyle", she said pushing her way past Isabel and Michael.

"I'll go with ---", Michael said starting after her.

"Let her go" Isabel said holding him back "She'll want to be alone after she finds out anyway"

_And all it takes  
Is a mistake to eat your words  
Just one more time I think I'll drive on home tonight_

Tess ran out of Michael's apartment and headed straight for the Valenti's. She was turning the corner of theblock when she bumped into someone. Tess looked up and her vision went blurry at the sight before her.

"Kyle", she whispered, wrapping her arms around his lean waist. She was so happy to see him it took a while for her to realize that he wasn't hugging her back. "Kyle?" she asked hesitantly.

"So you're back?" Kyle said stonily. "What for?"

"I--- I missed you guys" Tess said stepping back.

"It took three years for you to miss us?"

"Kyle, I don't understand. I thought you'd be happy to see me. I thought about you everyday. You and Jim"

"You didn't write!" Kyle's voice was louder now "You didn't call! We waited everyday. All he wanted was to see you before he died!"

"No", Tess said shaking her head, "Oh no"

"Yes. Our father died fighting to save your stupid alien family and all he wanted was to see you before he died"

"I didn't --- I never expected --- I was just so upset. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't realize all of these things were going on inside of me and by the time I did all I could do was run. You have to believe me. I would never hurt you". Kyle looked at her with tears in his eyes and she thought her heart might break. "I'm sorry", Tess pleaded, "You have to believe me".

"You left me alone. You left us alone"

"I wish I could take it back but I can't. But I won't leave you like that again" Tess held out her hand "Take me to him". Kyle grabbed her hand and she squeezed his gently. The two of them set off towards the cemetery.

_Sometimes we never see the warning  
And the voice in your head tells you not to go_

"When did it happen?"

Kyle took a deep breath and began. "A few months after you left there were more attacks. We thought they were going to be like before. Small, infrequent, the Pod Squad would triumph again but they were harder. Max and my dad had to work hard to make sure that they could come up with excuses for everyone missing school and sometimes skipping town. Every time they fought dad was there right beside them. I kept telling him to let the aliens handle it but he said they were still kids and they needed to be protected, like ---"

"Like me" Tess whispered.

"He was always thinking about you"

"And I was too selfish to let him know I was alive"

"Well, a couple of months ago there was a big battle, Nicholas' last stand. He ended up like Custer except he managed to take my dad along with him. I haven't really spoken to Max or the others since even Liz, Maria and Alex".

"Believe me you're not missing anything", Tess said dryly.

"So you saw them, huh?"

"Soon as I stepped in the door. They haven't changed much"

"You'd be surprised at how much things have changed"

"Kyle, can I --- can I be alone with him for a while?" Tess said looking up at him.

"Sure", Kyle said dropping a kiss on her head, "Come back home when you're done. And I mean it. No running away"

"Not anymore", Tess said smiling.

_It really makes me wonder why some things happen when they do  
It really makes me wonder why it wasn't me instead of you_

Tess stood there looking at the grave of the only father she'd ever known. She looked at the headstone and tears fell down her face as she read the epitaph. James Valenti, Fighter for justice, lover of life, devoted father of two. Tess dug deep into her soul and the words began to float out of her into the night air.

"I never thought I'd be standing here. Well I lie… I knew that someday I'd be standing here and you wouldn't be standing here with me but I didn't know that it would be now. And I never expected to miss my chance to say goodbye. I guess I thought that I would leave and get my life together and when I came back you and Kyle would be sitting in front of the television watching football or basketball or some sport involving a ball and I'd walk in and make dinner... I know I never told you face to face but you were always in my heart. I thought about you and Kyle everyday. And I loved you. I never had a father. I had a protector and believe me between the two I'd pick a father every time. It should have been me. I should have been here protecting you. God knows the only human life Max cares about it is Liz'. I should have been the one to protect you. I failed. I don't know anything about religion or God but if there is a heaven and you can hear me, then I want you to know one thing, you never failed at being a father. You raised Kyle into a wonderful man and you gave me the strength to go out there on my own. I love you dad. Please know that".

Kyle looked up as the door to his room squeaked open. Tess walked over to the bed and lay down beside him. He wrapped his arms around her and together they lay there, two children without a father.

_And when you say  
It doesn't matter well it does  
And all it takes  
Is a mistake to eat your words  
Just one more time I think I'll drive on home tonight_

"She's back?"

"Maxwell, have you been listening to anything we've said here?" Isabel said.

"What do you mean she just showed up?"

"She just walked into the Crashdown", Michael said

"And he welcomed her with open arms", said Isabel incredulously

"Well what did you want me to do?"

"I refuse to let her just be welcomed back. We went through hell without her. We were all bruised and battered and we watched Valenti die while she was off God knows where having the time of her life. You would all like to believe it doesn't matter but it does. She deserted us"

"I don't think she was having the time of her life, Isabel" said Michael, "Can't you just be glad? With all we've had to go through, with all we've lost don't you think you could be happy that for the first time we're gaining someone instead of losing them?"

"If this is your way of feeling better about breaking up with Maria ---"

"Why do you think everything I say has to do with Maria?"

"I have to get out of here", Max said, slipping out of the room. Michael and Isabel barely noticed him leaving as they continued to fight. "Get over it and have sex", Max mumbled to himself as he walked out the door.

_And when you look its gone its too late to turn around  
And it's another day facing yourself and the things that you've done_

Tess slipped out of Kyle's arms and made her way to the kitchen. She ran her fingers through her hair, as if the motion could clear the turmoil in her head. Everything was so much different than she expected. Isabel was mad at her. Michael welcomed her with open arms. Jim was gone and Kyle … well Kyle was still a great guy just a bit more bruised than before. And there was still much more to come. No one had even broached the subject of Max or Max and Liz. Tess felt like she was living with the sword of Damocles over her head. She still didn't know anything about the two of them and the waiting was killing her. Tess went into the living room with a cup of tea and picked up her guitar. She strummed a few chords. So much emotion was running through her, she wanted to push it out with every note she played but it didn't seem to work. She wanted to do something, walk, take a drive, something … but she knew Kyle would be freaked if he woke up and she wasn't there …so she let her fingers glide over the strings and the words came …

_And when you say  
It doesn't matter well it does  
And all it takes  
Is a mistake to eat your words  
Just one more time I think I'll drive on home tonight_

Max wandered the streets of Roswell as usual. He kept trying to tell himself he wouldn't go near the Valenti's house but he still found himself on their lawn. He didn't want to but he felt himself being pulled towards the house … towards her. Max came around the side of the house and saw her through the window. She looked beautiful. Her face and body had matured. Her hair shone like silken waves in the moonlight. She had become a woman. Her eyes shone with tears as she strummed the guitar in front of her. Max stood outside and listened to the sound of her voice in the air, as she sang …


	10. Sweet Misery

* * *

_I was lost  
And you were found  
You seemed to stand on solid ground_

Max listened to the words coming out of her mouth and he let his mind drift back through the years. He remembered the day after Liz had left him standing on the rocks. He'd felt so lost and alone. He remembered how he tried to avoid everyone that summer. Nasedo, Michael and Isabel … but especially Tess. She was his Achilles heel. She reminded him of a life when he was powerful, when he knew what to do. She was so self-assured. She knew what she wanted. Tess knew how to do things he was afraid to think about and it frightened him that he couldn't be that strong. Listening to her sing these words now made him feel so stupid. In the three years Tess had been gone Max had learned one very important lesson. Everyone hurts and everyone can be vulnerable. He was just sorry it took three years for him to figure it out.

_I was weak  
And you were strong  
And me and my guitar,  
we strummed along, oh_

Tess could feel the emotion flowing through her body and out her fingertips. She had never felt such a need to create. Usually she just wrote it down but now her body was moving of its own volition, letting go of the pain her mind couldn't. She remembered the first time she'd picked up this guitar. She'd been cleaning the attic with Zane when she saw it just sitting there in the corner. It was a simple, wooden, acoustic guitar with a small flower painted in the corner. Zane told her it belonged to his mom. Tess picked it up and strummed the strings. Something magic happened. She knew this instrument had been waiting for her. She and Zane had started lessons that very night. Playing music had added another dimension to her life and for the first time she was giving herself up to that power. The power to create; to let go.

_Sweet misery you cause me  
That's what you called me  
Sweet misery you cause me _

The words Tess was singing struck a chord deep within Max. Tess was his sweet misery. The thought of her killed him as surely as it brought him to life. Now she was sitting there right in front of him and he couldn't bring himself to talk to her. He'd waited so long for this moment, to be able to reach out and touch her, to be that close to her. He'd pictured this moment for so long he almost couldn't believe it. She seemed to be a mirage and he was afraid if he got to close, she would disappear like a breath on the wind.

_I was blind  
But oh, how you could see  
You saw the beauty in everything, everything and me_

Tess' thoughts drifted back to Zane and her voice grew heady with emotion. It was tearing her apart. She knew she loved Zane yet the thought of seeing Max again brought back all those feelings she had before. She was so afraid that she was going to see Max and turn into a scared, indecisive seventeen year old again. She knew she'd matured but she hadn't forgotten. Her love for Max was still there. She didn't think she could get rid of it. Even when Max had been harsh with her she'd loved him because she had faith in him. She knew some day he'd live up to what he was meant to be. It was funny how different Max and Zane were. Yet she was in love with both of them. Max was just harder to be with. He came with so much baggage; past lives and new loves. Zane was open from the minute she meant him. He gave without taking; all he asked for was her love.

_I would cry  
And you would smile  
You'd stay with me a little while_

Max had had so many dreams about what it would be like when she returned. He would take her hand in his and tell her how sorry he was. He would stroke her cheek and let his hands drift up towards her hair. The waves of silken sunlight would float through his fingers. He would finally let all the pain he'd been holding in come to the surface and she would see how much he'd missed her. He would let the pad of his thumb caress her soft lips right before he bent down to kiss her. He'd pull back and she'd smile up at him. He'd take her in his arms and ask her to never leave again. She'd promise to stand by his side. He'd protect her and love her forever, like he did before. He'd finally be king and he'd have his queen.

_Sweet misery you cause me  
That's what you called me  
Sweet misery you cause me_

Sweet misery. Tess knew it was the biggest oxymoron but it was her life. Every moment in her life had been tinged with happiness and sadness. Meeting the others had been the most exciting moment of her life … until she realized they didn't remember her. The first time she and Max kissed was beautiful … until she realized he didn't love her. Becoming apart of Jim and Kyle's life made her so happy … but she knew she could never really be one of them. Even moving in with Zane, they were the best years of her life … but she knew eventually she'd have to come back to Roswell. None of the happiness in her life came without some sadness.

_And in my heart I see, oh  
What you're doing to me  
And in my heart I see, oh  
Just how you wanted it to be  
Sweet misery_

Max felt like his heart was breaking all over again. Thinking back through all those times he could have been with Tess, it made him realize how stupid he had been. He needed her. Not just to fight battles and make decisions, but to make him a better person. The past three years had been hell, trying to fight alien attacks and make decisions about their lives. It was so hard trying to protect everyone, especially Liz. Her indecisiveness had cost them time and energy. She was constantly unsure and overly cautious when they needed action. Unfortunately, Max let her influence too much of his decisions. And Jim's death hit them so hard. Max sometimes wished he had died with him. The pressure of being the one held accountable for everything was weighing him down. It wasn't until Tess left that he realized how important her unwavering faith in him had been. Unappreciative didn't even begin to describe how he'd been to her.

_Sweet misery you cause me  
That's what you called me  
Sweet misery you cause me _

Tess continued to strum her guitar as her sadness ebbed out of her. It was like high tide crashing over her and ebbing away. It was therapeutic. She felt like she was soaring. The weight of her past was finally being lifted off her shoulders. Her voice grew lighter with happiness.

_And in my heart I see, oh  
What you're doing to me  
And in my heart I see, oh  
Just how you wanted it to be  
Sweet misery_

The change in Tess' voice brought Max back from his reverie. He could tell she was reaching the end of her song. Max began to gather his courage. Slowly, he began to approach the house.

_I was weak  
And you were strong  
And me and my guitar,  
we strummed along_

The last note of her song hung in the air. As Tess came down from her high, she got the sense that someone was watching her. She turned around to see Max staring at her through the window. It was time to face her past.


	11. I'd Rather Be in Love

_**"I'd Rather Be In Love"**_

* * *

_

* * *

_

Tess gestured for Max to come to the front and she got up to open the door. Max walked past her into the foyer of the house. Tess led him into the living room. Max took a seat on the couch and Tess sat cross-legged on the coffee table facing him. Unsure of what to say they sat awkwardly for a while until Max finally spoke.

"I'm sorry to come so late"

"It's fine, Max"

"I was listening to you play"

"I'm not really that good" Tess said embarrassed.

"You sounded great" Max said quickly. He was feeling like he was fourteen and tongue tied around girls. He didn't know what to say to Tess. He'd pictured this moment in his head for so long he didn't know where to begin to say all the things he'd been thinking about since she'd left. "So why did you decide to come back?" Max asked innocently. He never expected to hear Tess' answer.

"Actually, I came back because of you"

_And I've heard that you can't fight love, so I won't complain  
'Cause why would I stop the fire that keeps me going on?_

"What do you mean? You came back for me?"

"Not for you. Because of you" Tess said "I was having these dreams. About you. I doubt it was happening to you too …". Tess trailed off at the sight of Max standing there slightly dazed. "Yeah I figured it wasn't happening to you"

"No it's not that" Max said coming back to life "I haven't really been sleeping much lately but Tess we --- I missed you so much. I thought about you every night. Everyday".

"Kyle wasn't joking when he said things have changed"

"Tess how much do you know about what's happened since you've been gone?"

"I know that there have been attacks", Tess took a deep breath, "And Jim died --- and I should have come back sooner"

"Believe me that's the Cliff's Notes version.

_'Cause when there's you, I feel whole  
And there's no better feeling in the world  
But without you I'm alone  
And I'd rather be in love with you_

"Come into the kitchen. I'll make you a cup of tea" Tess said. She unfolded her legs and walked towards the kitchen with Max following behind her. Tess filled up the water and set the kettle on the stove.

"You don't use your powers?" Max asked sitting down at the table. Tess sat in the chair across from him.

"I've gotten used to not using them. Living around humans, you get used to it"

"Where have you been?"

"A small town in Texas. Just a lot of working class people. Wonderful people"

"Sounds like you miss it"

"It's nice to be back. Although I didn't expect it to be like this. I --- I don't know what to think anymore"

"I guess I should tell you what happened" Max took a deep breath and began …

_Turn out the lights now  
To see is to believe_

"When you first left none of us knew what to think. We were all in shock for a while. We – I decided not to go looking for you even though Kyle and the sheriff wanted to. I told them it was what you asked and we could at least give you that. Not too long after you were gone the first attacks started. The Skins, Nicholas and a host of other aliens arrived looking for the granolith. We learned more about our background, that we were made from the DNA of certain humans because of a genetic trait they possessed which allowed they DNA to be combined with ours making us human-alien hybrids. We also got Alex to work on a code to translate the book. He's still working on it. I'm still not sure about the actual function of the granolith but those aliens wanted it real bad. We also found out that Brody was abducted in a way. One of my allies from our cluster of planets, Larek, has used Brody's body to contact us and plan the rebellion if and when we can return home and then ---"

"Return home?" Tess' heart jumped into her throat "We can't --- I can't go back there"

"What do you mean? You heard the message all those years ago. We have a responsibility to an entire planet. A responsibility you've been running from for three years, Tess"

_I just want you near me  
I just want you here with me_

"Don't put this on me, Max", Tess said standing, "If you hadn't tried so hard to push me away I might have been here to take on some of those responsibilities. Besides I thought you could pick up the slack but I guess I was wrong"

"What is that supposed to mean?" This was not the way it was supposed to go. Max felt himself getting angrier.

"It means, fearless leader, that when I was here no one ended up dead. But that's probably because I actually care about someone other than Liz Parker".

Max walked around the table until he was directly in front of Tess. They were so close that their ragged breath mingled together. "I never meant for anything to happen to Jim" Max said through gritted teeth "I tried my hardest to heal him and if I could go back I would give my life for his in a split second. And even after all that's happened I would never run. I wouldn't leave even though everyday I feel like killing myself and ending this horrible misery that comes along with this life"

"Now you know what my life was like, why I had to run"

_And I'd give up everything only for you  
It's the least that I could do_

Max stopped cold at Tess' statement. He rested his hand against her cheek. "I'd do anything to change the past. To let you know how I really felt. How I still feel.

Tess closed her eyes and reveled in the feel of Max's hand on her cheek. "How do you feel, Max?" she whispered. Before she could take her next breath Max's lips were on hers. It wasn't like any of the other times they had kissed. Before it had been rough and hollow. Now Tess felt every emotion, every thought. Max was completely open to her for the first time. She could see him absolutely and it was bliss.

_'Cause when there's you, I feel whole  
And there's no better feeling in the world  
But without you I'm alone  
And I'd rather be in love with you_

All the frustration, the sadness, the longing that Max held inside for three years came pouring out in that moment. He held onto Tess, breathing her in like air. Wherever they touched felt like electricity, fire. And as they kissed a channel began to open in their minds connecting them fully for the first time. Max began to see images. They flashed by in no particular order but they were all pictures of Tess. He saw her as Ava, the day they first met on Antar. He saw her as a small human child, standing in front of the mirror playing dress up. And he saw the bad times. He felt her pain when Nasedo punished her for playing pretend with other children. He saw the devastation of finding him in bed with Liz. He saw her tear stricken face as she said her goodbyes to Roswell.

_And I feel you holding me_

Tess thought she would fall out from the information overload. Max's life was playing out before her eyes. His indecision about leaving her behind in the pod chamber. The first time he saw Liz and how her sweetness reminded him of Ava's love and kindness. His constant battles with Michael about leading the group. His unwavering faith in his sister. The pain of hiding his true identity from his parents. The first time he saw Tess and his inability to understand his feelings. The utter despair he felt when he realized she was gone. And the agony he endured when he had to break Liz' heart and turn down her offer of marriage.

All the emotions were too much for Tess and she felt herself falling. As she began to slip, Max's arms tightened around her strengthening her. "I've got you", Tess heard his voice in her mind "I won't let you go"

_Why are we afraid to be in love?  
To be loved  
I can't explain it  
I know it's tough to be loved_

They broke away from each other, breathless. Max and Tess stared into each other's eyes unsure of what to do. "I don't understand" Tess whispered.

"What?"

"I don't understand why we waited so long to love each other. I don't know what we were afraid of"

_And I feel you holding me_

Max looked Tess in her eyes. "I'm not afraid anymore", he whispered. Max leaned down and captured Tess' lips with his. They kissed with an abandon neither one of them had ever felt. Max picked Tess up and sat her on the kitchen counter. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled his shirt off over his head. Tess touched Max hesitantly, as if she was seeing him for the first time. He ran his fingers through her hair softly and let his hands rest of her shoulders, his thumbs massaging her neck. Tess let her head fall back and Max bent down capturing the flesh at the base of her collarbone. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up off the counter He laid her down across the kitchen table while kissing Tess' neck and shoulders. He waved his hand over her thin tank top and it disappeared. Max stood back and looked at Tess. She looked back up at him and she was unsure of what he was thinking. She moved to cover herself and Max grabbed her arms stopping her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I --- If you don't want ----"

"No it's just ---- I can't believe you're really here". Max began kissing her again, making sure there were no more doubts in her mind that he wanted her. Their hands ran over each other dissolving their clothes until there was nothing between the two of them … until they were finally one.

_Oh, oh  
And when there's you, I feel whole  
And there's no better feeling in the world  
But without you I'm alone_

Kyle woke up and looked around. He jumped up when he realized Tess wasn't there. Afraid she had left again, he jumped up quickly to go looking for her. Kyle rushed into the living room and found Tess and Max on the couch wrapped in each other's arms. Her head was resting on Max's chest and they were sleeping heavily. Kyle looked at them shocked for a moment. Confused, he turned around and headed towards his room. "Never a dull moment", he mumbled to himself.

_And I'd rather be in love  
Yes, I'd rather be in love  
Oh, I'd rather be in love with you _


	12. Drop in the Ocean

* * *

**_"Drop in the Ocean"_**

* * *

_Love took me by the hand  
Love took me by surprise  
Love led me to you  
And love opened up my eyes_

Tess opened the door of the Crashdown and looked around. Her eyes landed upon Max, Isabel, Maria and Alex at a booth near the counter. Tess walked towards the sound of their laughter. As she approached Max looked up and saw her. His face lit up with happiness when he looked into her eyes. Tess moved determinedly until, she was stopped by the apparition in front of her. Zane's figure appeared in front of her like a malevolent spirit. His face was contorted with anger. There were tears shining in his eyes and balled in his right hand was a piece of paper, the letter she had left him. His mouth was moving as if he were trying to speak to her and although she could not hear the words Tess knew what he was saying. She had broken her promise.

"Tess! … Tess!" The voice calling her seemed to come through a deep fog. Tess shook her head and looked up again. Max was standing in front of her his brown eyes dark with concern. "What's wrong? You were walking over then you just froze. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Max. I just – I'm fine". Max started to walk her over to the table but Tess pulled away from him. "I'm not an invalid Max, I can walk". Max stepped back a little shocked by Tess' reaction. Although her steps were a little uncertain she raised her head and walked to wards the table with mock determination. It was something Max was still getting used to. Tess was no longer the girl who sought opportunities to end up in his arms. She was extremely independent, at times annoyingly so, but he knew it was a by-product of leaving everything behind. Being independent was the only way to survive being alone. He understood it all too well.

Max was still so unsure about the three years Tess had been gone. Although she'd been insatiably curious about what had been happening in Roswell while she was away, she'd rebuffed all their efforts to inquire her whereabouts. All of her answers were simple and she changed the subject whenever they tried to get her to elaborate. At first it hadn't seemed important, all that mattered was that she was here now but lately Max was finding a need to know about Tess' other life and whether or not she would return to it. Before she left Max had known that his attention would be enough to keep Tess in Roswell and he had taken her love for him for granted, now he was not so sure.

_And I was drifting away  
like a drop in the ocean  
And now I realize that  
nothing has been as beautiful  
As when I saw heaven's skies  
In your eyes  
In your eyes_

Tess' dreams were filled with eyes. Accusing eyes, loving eyes, eyes filled with tears, eyes shining with affection, laughing eyes, sad eyes. The only thing that remained the same were the colors, brown or green. Always the two, staring at her; haunting her nights until she woke up drenched in sweat, and panting.

Tess walked slowly to the bathroom. She flinched under the glare of the harsh fluorescent light. Gradually, she raised her head until she was looking in the mirror. At first she did not see her own reflection instead she saw Zane's face etched with anger. His image faded until her own face stared back at her with contempt. "You promised" she heard her own voice echo in her head. "I left them once. I can't leave again", she whispered to herself. As she stared at her own reflection it almost seemed to whisper back at her "Can't leave them or him?"

"It's not just Max. What about Kyle? Michael? Isabel?" Tess continued the conversation with herself.

"You can't keep leaving people behind", her reflection spoke to her before it faded away behind her tears.

_And every time I drift away  
I lose myself in you  
And now I see I can be me  
In everything I do_

Tess kissed Max fiercely, devouring his mouth. She rolled over until she was sitting astride him and began unbuttoning his shirt while she continued kissing him. Max pulled away from her and came up for air. He was surprised by how forceful she was being. He grabbed her arms and pinned them to her sides. "Tess are you ok?"

"Yes", Tess whispered trying to squirm out of his grasp and reach for him again.

"You seem a little … agitated" Max said strengthening his grip on her.

"Just kiss me, Max", Tess said seductively. She bent down and kissed him softly until he let her arms go. Tess pushed his shirt down and started to reach for his belt when Max pulled away again.

"How come you never talk about where you were?" he asked. Restless, Tess leaned back.

"Can we not talk about this right now?" she replied.

"Well when are we going to talk about it, Tess? Every time I bring up the subject you change it. Why won't you talk about where you were?"

"It was a little hick town in the middle of nowhere. Nothing important, nothing special"

"Something kept you there for three years", Max said. Tess stared down at the pattern of the couch. "Or someone". Tess looked up quickly and found Max staring directly at her. "Who'd you leave behind this time?"

_'Cause I was feeling as small  
as a drop in the ocean  
And now I realize that  
nothing has been as beautiful  
As when I saw heaven's skies  
In your eyes  
In your eyes_

The truth was she was afraid. As hard as she imagined it to be, dealing with Max was easy. She was used to the drama of Roswell, the constant angst. Zane was different. He offered himself to her completely. No hidden problems, no strings, no fine print, just stability and warmth and unconditional love. And she'd thrown it all back in his face like an ungrateful child. Tess didn't want to return because this time she didn't have a good enough reason for her disappearance. How could she explain away this one?

Liz was walking home from Maria's house when she spotted Tess sitting alone on the park bench. Although Tess had been back in Roswell for almost a month, the two of them had not said any more than "hi" or "bye" to each other. Liz turned to walk in the other direction when Tess looked up and saw her standing there. Still unsure, Liz started to walk away when Tess voice hesitantly called her back.

Liz walked towards Tess haughtily. "What do you want?" she asked fiercely.

"I was wondering if we could talk"

"Talk about what?" Liz asked, "What do we have to talk about? You won. You got him. You've got everything; the family, the guy, the friends. What could we possibly have to discuss?"

"Liz, I –", Tess began and before she could stop herself Tess was telling Liz everything. About her life with Nasedo, what it was like to come to Roswell and why she left and she told her about Zane; how much she loved him and how she'd hurt him by leaving. Tess poured out her heart to the one person she'd never thought she could talk to, the entire time holding back the tears threatening to overtake her. When she finished Liz was sitting next to her with silent tears running down her face. The two girls stared into each other's eyes and as they looked a newfound respect seemed to grow between them.

"Tess, I don't know what to say", Liz began.

"You don't need to say anything. I think I just needed to get that out".

"No I do need to say something. I think I've waited too long to say it. I was upset or jealous or ---something and I couldn't tell you … I – I was afraid. From the minute you stepped foot in Roswell I knew my time was … limited, I guess. That day when I walked away in the desert, I did it because I wanted to make it easier. I wanted to be the one to leave first even if I didn't mean it. But even though I walked away I never let go of how I felt. I was so envious when you left. I felt like a coward because I didn't have the heart to really leave. Tess, you found something when you left Roswell; something I've been looking for, ever since I walked away that day … you found someone to love you. Unconditionally, faithfully and purely someone offered you their love. I know now that Max will never love me the way he loves you and I'm starting to accept that … but I also know that your relationship with Max is far from perfect and from what you've told me this Zane sounds like one hell of a guy. I can't tell you where to go from here but I think you owe it to Zane and to yourself to see what else is out there for you".

_Love took me by the hand  
Love took me by surprise_

So who thought Liz would give me the words of wisdom that would help me make the hardest decision of my life? Definitely, not me. Liz is right about one thing. I owe Zane a lot. Before he came into my life I was unsure. I was lost and dependent on some idea of destiny. And then I met Zane and nothing was ever as beautiful as the first time I looked into his eyes.

_And I was drifting away  
like a drop in the ocean  
And now I've realized that  
nothing has been as beautiful  
As when I saw heaven's skies  
In your eyes  
In your eyes _


	13. You Get Me

_**"You Get Me"**_

* * *

Tess drove along the highway singing loudly to herself. Her voice rang clear in the night air. She looked up at the stars and the V constellation jumped out at her. She remembered being a little girl, driving along the highways with Nacedo. He would pull over the car and they would sit on the hood. He would point to each of the stars and tell her the folklore of Antar. It was during those times that Tess forgot he was her guardian, her teacher. It was in those moments that he became her father. He would fill her head with pictures of her home. The beauty of a planet far, away. She never thought she would find that kind of beauty on Earth. She was wrong.

_So I'm a little left of center  
I'm a little out of tune  
Some say I'm paranormal  
So I just bend their spoon  
Who wants to be ordinary  
As long as I'm your girl_

Michael walked into his apartment and stopped short. Max was sitting on the couch staring at the blank television. "Well this can't be good" Michael sighed, "What's wrong now?"

"She's gone"

"What?!" Michael yelled, "She left again. I thought she promised. I thought we weren't going to have to go through this bullshit anymore. I can't believe she'd just –"

"It's not her fault, Michael. She'll be back".

"Let's just hope it doesn't take another three years"

"If it did she'd be well within her right. When Tess came to Roswell we all hated her for turning our world upside down. Then when she left we blamed her for not being here to help. I think it's time that I started handling things myself. All this time I've been fighting and dying inside and wishing and hoping and blaming her for not being here to make me stronger, maybe I need to do that for myself. And so does she"

_Hey, you are on my side  
And they, they just roll their eyes_

Tess rolled to a stop in front of the house she called her home for over a year. Slowly, she walked up to the porch and rang the doorbell. It felt so weird to ring the doorbell of a house she used to walk in and out of without a care in the world. "I'll get it!" said a female voice from inside. Tess froze as the door swung open. In front of her was a beautiful girl about her age. She had long red hair and flashing green eyes that lit up her whole face.

"Hello", she said. Her voice was light and happy and had a slight Southern twang to it. Tess stood there stunned for a minute.

"I – I'm sorry… I must – Is Zane … here?"

"Oh of course, Zane, honey, someone is here to see you!" the girl called up the stairs. Tess looked up at the stairs and there he was. He had just come out of the shower. He was shirtless and his jeans rode low on his hips. He was toweling his hair when he saw her there. Zane stopped, shocked by her presence.

"Tess?" he whispered.

"I – I'm sorry. I should have called. I needed –but I can go"

"No!" he said moving down the stairs, "Don't leave"

"So this is Tess", the girl said, "He never stops talking about you, honey". Tess looked at the girl puzzled.

"Tess, this is my cousin Jessica", Zane said, "She's visiting me from Austin". Tess let go of the breath that she had been holding.

"It's nice to meet you", she said, extending her hand.

"I'll just leave you two to get reacquainted" Jessica said. "I'll be at the diner".

"What are you doing here?" Zane asked after Jessica had left. Tess took him by the hand.

"There's a few things you need to know"

_You get me  
When nobody understands  
You come and take the chance, baby  
You get me  
You look inside my wild mind  
Never knowing what you'll find  
And still you want me all the time  
Yeah, you do  
Yeah, you get me_

"I know I haven't been the easiest person to understand and that's because until now I haven't been able to tell you exactly who I am. The Tess you know has only lived for three years but I been through more lifetimes than I'd care to count. And you need to know about everything if you really want to be with me"

"Tess I don't under –"

"You will". Tess turned over his hand. On the back were small cuts and bruises that he got from work. Tess waved her hand over his and the wounds disappeared. Zane looked at his hand in amazement. "How did you do that?"

"I'm an alien, Zane"

"What?!"

"Before I came to this town I lived in Roswell, New Mexico. All those stories about Area 51 and aliens landing on Earth, aren't just stories. There are aliens here on Earth and I'm one of them. Or sort of one of them. I'm a hybrid, half-human, half-alien. I come from a planet that is in the middle of a war. When I was on that planet I was a queen"

"An alien queen? Wars? Area 51? Tess do you really expect me to—" Zane stopped as Tess placed her hand on the wall and changed the color of the paint. "Well if you can do that I could have used you when I was painting Mrs. Corelli's house last week"

_So what if I see the sunshine  
In the pouring rain  
Some people think I'm crazy  
But you say it's okay  
You've seen my secret garden  
Where all of my flowers grow  
In my imagination  
Anything goes_

An hour later Tess had told Zane the entire story. He sat there silent for a minute. "So this Mick –"

"Max" Tess said with a smile.

"Yeah whatever. So are you still in love with him?"

"I find it rather amusing that Max is more important than the fact that I'm not human"

"Hey, alien I can deal with. Old boyfriends, they're a little harder" Tess sat down in his lap and kissed him full on the lips.

"You're underestimating this whole alien thing but I'm glad you aren't running screaming for the hills"

"Tess I've known you for three years. I've seen you laugh and cry and I've held you in the early morning. You're more human than you think you are. I know it".

"We need to take a trip"

_I, I am all you want  
They, they just read me wrong_

Tess and Zane were like two mischievous little kids. They would drive for an hour and pull over laughing and giggling. They held hands and kissed and made out so much that they were approached by more than one highway patrol cop asking them to get back on the road. Tess was happy and she knew that she'd make the right decision. Now she just had to convince everyone else.

_You get me  
When nobody understands  
You come and hold my hand, baby  
You get me  
You look inside my wild mind  
Never knowing what you'll find  
Still you want me all the time  
Yeah, you do  
'Cause you get me_

Tess squeezed Zane's hand. They were standing outside the Crashdown. They had been standing there for about five minutes and Zane was getting fidgety. "I'm ready whenever you are", he said impatiently. Tess took a deep breath and placed her hand on the door.

"Maybe we should wait and talk to them somewhere more private?"

"I'm going in" Zane pushed open the door and Tess followed behind him. She looked up and there they were. Isabel, Max and Alex were at a booth talking. Maria and Liz were cleaning the counters and tables and Michael was behind the grill. They all looked up as Zane and Tess entered. Tess and Max locked eyes. She was afraid, so was he. They didn't how to navigate this territory. It was always Max and Liz or Max and Tess. Max didn't know what to do but he knew he wasn't part of this equation.

"Hey" Tess said timidly.

"Aren't you a little early?" Michael called out from behind the grill, "We were expecting you in another 2 years or so"

"You wish I would stay away, Michael" Tess called back. Liz walked over to Zane and put out her hand.

"You must be Zane" she said shaking his hand, "Welcome to Roswell".

_Hey, you are on my side  
They, they just roll their eyes  
Yeah, yeah, yeah_

Tess and Zane moved into a small apartment in Roswell. She showed him everything, the pod chamber, the caves at the reservation. After Kyle finished interrogating Zane the two of them became fast friends. Kyle was glad to have another guy around who liked to watch sports and not talk about "alien crap" as he called it. But occasionally, it did come calling. Now that Tess was back the Royal Four could really fight their enemies. For the first time they were able to fully trust each other and their powers grew with that trust. Max and Liz did not get back together. He was still trying to navigate his life alone. Occasionally, Tess would feel the heat of his gaze or they would catch each other's eyes and for a split second they'd be right back in each other's arms but they never gave in. Tess knew there would always be that electricity between them but for now they needed to follow their own paths. And every night she went home and looked into Zane's eyes and she knew; she'd made the right choice.

_'Cause you get me  
When nobody understands  
You come and take the chance, baby  
You get me  
When none of the pieces fit  
You make sense of it  
You get me  
You look inside my wild mind  
Never knowing what you'll find  
And still I want you all the time  
Yeah, I do  
'Cause you get me  
Yeah, oh, yeah, oh_

"I've done it Dad. I'm living the life I wanted. Once I told you that living in Roswell was making me die inside. Well now I've learned how to live. I've learned how to love. I wish you could see me now". Tess felt a cool wind and she looked behind her. There in the fading light was Jim Valenti.

"You –"

"Yes it's me. I just wanted to let you know that I love you and I see you. Tess you've always been the strongest. Even when you thought you were weak. You've turned out better than anyone could have hoped for. I knew you could do it" Jim stepped forward and planted a kiss on her forehead. Tess felt as if she'd been touched by sunlight. "Don't ever doubt your love", he said. And as Tess watched he faded into the twilight.

"I won't forget", Tess whispered as she walked towards her new life, a new woman.


End file.
